GuruPoornima 2008 - Part I

Guru Poornima 2008 was one of the most amazing experiences that I had with Gurudev. I have booked my tickets for Guru Poornima, way back in March 2008, including my air line tickets. At that time, we were unaware of Gurudev's visit to Seattle just before Guru Poornima and hence we were planning to leave Seattle on 7/11, spend couple of days seeing San Francisco before heading to the course. When I came to know about Gurudev's trip, we moved our Seattle - San Francisco ticket to Sat(7/12) morning, thinking that Guruji will be leaving Seattle early in the morning on Saturday(7/12).

So time went by, Guruji came to Seattle and a lot of people were doing a lot of Seva. I can not say that I have done as much seva as I could have done. I don't know what happened, as Gurudev's visit approached, I was feeling more feverish, grumpy and getting irritated like never before. My mind was getting filled with all kinds of questions(questions will arise only when there is no inner silence), doubts and concerns. There was a volunteer meeting with Anandji. Though I went to the meeting, I was neither open nor cooperating and was not in the "Yes" frame of mind. I was keep questioning the methods of Anandji in my mind, asking why all this. Why all this show ( I literally felt that these were all show. My biggest question was why Seva is required for spiritual growth). When Anandaji mentioned that Gurudev has said " if you do my work, I will take care of your work?", I have started questioning everything. How can Guruji, the ocean of love could possibly say that? This is like you have been hired to do something. I strongly resisted the statement. I and my wife had a conversation about it and I said if doing seva is to get some benefit back from Guruji, it is like doing any other job and this question remained unanswered. So with that Grumpiness, I did not join the other folks in the boat trip with Anandji.

Then came Rishiji. I was resisting to sign up for the course with him, keep asking why the need for more courses? Why people are running behind all these courses? Has not it become like seeking material things? However, some unknown force (who else, other than Gurudev) made me signup, even without me being aware of it. Even at the course venue, I was not feeling the connectedness with Rishiji. So I sat there with closed eyes and Rishiji has to ask me to open the eyes and listen. However, I went through the course, without much trouble and the learnings were incredible.

Then came Gurudev's visit. My grumpiness and feverishness were not seeing any reduction at all. Reshmi (my wife) was in the cooking team for Gurudev and I started getting irritated with her. But some how, she managed to keep her cool. Finally on the day of the event, I again got upset with my wife for something and that made my mind go into much more disturbance. So, after getting irritated so much, I sat outside the event room, while Guruji was inside. I did not go in till the end and then Gurudev left in 5 minute. While sitting outside, I could observe the emotions and feverishness rising in my mind and I could see that I am separate from the feelings. Nevertheless, I sat outside, closing my eyes ( I don't know whether it can be called meditation), but something was going on inside. As soon as the event got over, we head out to pick up Drishya and then went home to pack for the morning flight.

So on Sat morning, we were trying to find someone to drop us to the airport and surprisingly none of the people we called were available. So finally, I decided to drop the car at the airport and then fly out. Also, Guruji has never talked to me in the past. Even when a few of us (6-7 people) were with him at the San Francisco airport. When I was about to ask him something, he said not now and he kept talking to others. And also in the previous few occasions, I felt Gurudev has been avoiding me. Even accidentally, his eyes never reached me. So I was having this question - Am I at the right place? I have read a little bit about spirituality and thought that I might be having another Guru.

Ok, now continuing with the story, while we were heading to the airport, we got two messages that Guruji is meeting all the volunteers at 9.00 am. Our flight is at 9.30 AM and we could no way meet him. My heart start feeling something and we felt that if we were driving to San Francisco like many others, we could have made to this meeting. Finally we went to the airport and I started web-check in and there is the first surprise - it says, you can not check in. So I went to the counter and they said that the flight I was booked on was canceled and I can wait for a standby in the later flights. At that time, someone inside told me that Gurudev wants you back at the meeting and so rush back. We got our tickets canceled immediately, took our car back and rushed to the hotel. (We got full re-fund for the tickets and no money was charged by the parking) By now it is already 9.10 and we were praying that meeting to last till we reach there. Finally we reached the Hotel at 10 AM and the meeting was not started yet. I felt deep inside me that Gurudev has called me back from the airport to show that he cared for me. I could not resist myself any more. All my grumpiness, feverishness and irritations just vanished in a moment. Tears were flowing through my eyes like anything. And on that day, for the first time, I felt Gurudev looked at me with his physical eyes and all my resistances melted away.

To be continued....